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Satire: Squinting is Racist


Author: Jordan G Estabrook


If you’re Asian, you know what I’m talking about.


You’re outside at some rich, bougie outdoor mall with overpriced coffee and designer clothes (stuff only white people can afford), and you squint under the hot sun. Everyone sees you do it. When they turn their back, you know what they’re going to say:


“There are only a couple reasons why you squint. First, is that Asians have the natural tendency to squint due to how they look. Second, it’s the generational habit acquired while practicing forced labor after World War II.”


Then they proceed to squint in the hot sun, too, with no appreciation for what it means. Disgusting, but what else do you expect from white people?


As a half Asian and half Caucasian woman myself (yes, I have already repented, cleansed myself of and rejected my whiteness), I’m here to validate the deep pain of your lived experience:


Squinting is racist against Asians. If you squint, you are helping a capitalist, misogynistic, white supremacist country built on racism.


Every micro mechanical movement of squinting is rooted in white supremacy. They've tried to hijack it. The slight cornering of the eyes mimics the unique, almondy shape of the Asian eye. The white squint is an insulting caricature of the pain of the Asianx people working in the blistering hot sun of the 1940s after World War II.


To add injury to insult, the white man creates wrinkles when he furrows his brow and squints his eyes, which is far less perfect and pristine than the Asian who does not raisin.


Infuriating.


There’s plenty of data to back this claim up. I’m not going to show it to you, because why should I? You should already know it, not because I’ve based my opinions on tweets and Buzzfeed videos.


So think twice before you squint. Better yet, just stop doing it. Use the energy that you would use for squinting and protest instead. Take to the streets. Stand up for those less fortunate. Let the color of your skin be a reminder of your sin.


*This article is satire and for entertainment purposes only, even though the left already does a great job of that.

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